Posted on Thursday, January 17, 2013 · 6 Comments
So hard to believe it has been two months since I last held Ava. Her death is much more real to me now than it was right after she passed. Someone told me that our hearts only let us take in what we can handle and each day I've been able to take in more. I'm still distracting myself as best I can but she is never far from my mind and my heart.
Everything is still so hard. I break down when I see her pictures or when Myla says how much she misses her (which she tells me at least five times a day). Our home is now quiet when it was filled with Ava's laughter. I think that is the worst. Her giggle was so sweet and loud! I miss it and her so very much.
We have noticed signs she is sending us that she is still with us. It brings comfort right now that we desperately need. I had the most wonderful dream about her on Christmas. She was in heaven with long flowing hair surrounded by light. She told me she was okay and that she loved me. Then she told me I was the best mommy in the whole wide world! It was so sweet to hear that from her again.
And because I know you miss her smile too, here is a picture of her with her daddy.
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